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| so i just finished another 10 days of the master cleanse. this my
third time doing it so you would think it would get easier, but... not
so much... well a little. i'm working my way back to normal food
now. 10 days of no eating does have its effects. i realized primarily
i lose fat the fastest in my neck and ass... which severely limits the
effect of my booty shaking endeavors. oh well time to build it back
up... like build-a-bear------ hmmm build-an-ass what a concept. i
wonder if it would sell. anyways, i don't know if it's not eating or
my new down comforters and satin sheets that's making my sleep so
good. i got into work today at freakin 6am. why? because i woke up all
energetic. it's weird. plus i've been having some crazy dreams.
couting last nite, i've dreamt about an ex or someone i dated for 3
consecutive nites now. i can't remember that ever happening. there
were some weird moments in there too. i think watching Pan's Labyrinth
(which by the way is a dope ass movie-don't sleep on it!) put those
crazy images along side my ex's. i wonder what that means. does it
mean i miss them? closure? are their spirits paying me a visit? i
know it's not the drugs... hahaha jk i don't do drugs- not last nite
anyway. so... as i ramble on i'd like to give a shout out to my boy
jay who just turned 29, the Lakers for being the best franchise in
sports, and my future puggle - that's a dog. a big non-shout out goes
to pres bush for another stupid state of the union address. it's like
watching a ship about to sink. good luck to him. pres obama for '08!
this concludes my random thoughts...
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| so i wonder how many people are writing blogs related to the new year... hehehehe i guess it is a time for reflecting upon the past year, and making plans for the new one. i was speaking with a good friend of mine and she was saying that this year is gonna be a big year of change for her. this made me think because for several reasons it's shaping up to be that kind of year for me as well. i have a bunch of things i'm working on... firstly my internet start up company.. then i'm going back to school for my travel certificate... then there's my mom's 50th bday with a trip to panama... then there's 4 weddings 2 of which i am a groomsman, one in hawaii... then there's a movie shoot... and possibly new headshots? hmmmm.... hopefully somewhere in between i meet someone. 2006 good for messing around but bad for relationships with any real significance... the other things will keep me busy especially taking care of my dad and getting him settled. i'm glad he found a room for rent. now it's time for the jobby job. my stress level is going down gradually thank goodness. the biz is what i'm most excited about though... launching autumn 2007! time to make some real dough and consequently get back to my passion which is acting. hopefully i didn't get too rusty during my self imposed hiatus. i wish for good travel, good food, good music, good lovin, good people, and good energy... no time like the present.... love speakeasy
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| so i'm back in town. another 4 months in the Phils... and now i'm back. a funny thing this time around was my luck. so much of my stuff was damaged or lost, my digicam, my cellphone, my suit, my ipod... ironically this time around my heart remained intact. amazingly i managed to leave with my most vulnerable part unscathed. so it feels different this time. sure i'm missing some people, but i'm mostly whole this time, ready to take care of business out here. with business i mean my life... where it's going and how i want it to go. it's 5:40am and i can't sleep. jetlag is making its presence known and so stopped fighting it. it's been a while since i wrote anything. on the plane i had a million revelations that i knew i would forget once we touched down. i cried though. i don't know why. it wasn't because i missed my family out in the Phils. (which i do). it wasn't because i'm coming back to the lonely quiet and insulated life in LA. it wasn't because i was coming back to the culture of work work work and stress stress stress knowing i've accumulated a considerable amount of debt... it was hard to explain.... i was watching my third film on the plane, city of angels (fittingly) and it made me think of where i was in my life. the uncertainty and uneasiness was like a splash of cold water. many things are still missing. the deepest of which was love. i miss it. i guess people are getting married left and right around me. yeah, i was slick and i avoided love trouble in the phils, but was i really doing myself a favor? things happen in their own time and i know i'm not out to go looking for it anyways. not at this time... i got career on my mind, but i know it's there just in the background. i remember so many people asking me why i'm not married yet or even have a girlfriend like it's a crime not to be. maybe people get married younger back in the phils. i kinda just shrugged it off. what do they know right? i was busy doing my thing, dating around. being a guy. i don't think i'm going to find someone out here in LA. girls are not very approachable and meeting them to begin with is such a task, unlike in new york, or europe, or any other city with less pretentions a la hollywood... i also know i want someone with culture now, someone who can understand me from a different language even... there's a certain mix of simplicity and sophistication i need... i enjoyed my time in the phils... i met so many people. it's also home for me. it fed my soul. it also reminded me of my love for traveling, living in france. and vacations in new york and hawaii before i left the country... so if not here, where will i find love? and why am i still here??? hmmm... just some delirious rambling or jetlagged rambling perhaps....
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| Life is funny. I realize I've had bad luck for last couple of years when it comes to love or the possibilities of it, but how many more tests do I really need to have? I find myself repairing faith, then seeing it damaged and then trying to restore it again. I'm a hopeless romantic who is also an optimist. Maybe that's is not a good combo. People want the tangible, the easy, the sure bet... I on the other hand take the unconventional road, the risky but how great would it be if it worked out kinda way. Unfortunately I haven't been successful, but I am not one to settle so I live dangerously as ever. hahaha
It's hard not to be jaded by my luck, but I know the formula... I should just develop a get over it and move on pill based on my extensive research. hehehe good thing I have a sense of humor...
Some day, somebody will get it :) | | |
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